I am moving to the Midwest in two weeks.
I know, you're like, "whaaat?".
Myself and Jon have decided to leave The Big Apple, or The Skid Mark (Bushwick), to head west to the heart of it all, Ohio. After my whirlwind adventure from San Diego to New York I have decided to make the major decision of returning to college. I say "returning" because I didn't really go the first time. My parents basically paid for me lie around in a dorm room and eat cafeteria food for three months. That was my college experience. That and football players calling me a faggot. But, now that I have grown, I have decided to take initiative and start on a new career path. Nursing. I could make a good nurse, right?. I know I can't do hair forever. I don't want to. My back won't let me either. Plus, I've been dying to find a new way to accumulate more debt!
I have learned a lot in the last few years. One of those things is that Ohio really isn't as bad as I thought. It's a great place, in fact, it's a fine place. And comfortable. And I like comfortable. Another thing I learned is New York City isn't as great as I thought. Granted, I never got the chance to live in Manhattan. That would have been fun. In fact, if I was someone like Bette Midler or Sarah Jessica Parker and I was rich, living in two connected brownstones or a huge penthouse facing the park, I would NEVER leave. But the reality is, if I worked my ass off my whole life here I would never achieve that. I would be lucky if I could afford to buy a million dollar 500 square foot apartment with an eat in kitchen somewhere on Avenue C where the smell of piss and curry floats into my window every night. Not cute. And why work so hard for so little? I guess I don't care about living here enough. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments when I love it here. It was always a dream of mine to live here. There is something magic about the place. Although, I feel I came a few decades too late. New York was the real deal in the 70s and 80s. That would have been cool. Seriously, so cool. You could still be poor and live in the city. There was so much happening then. Even the 50s. Do you think anyone will look back and think, "God, living in New York in the 00s was the tops! Remember that song Umbrella? Geez. And those times we ate at Tao? That was da bomb!" Sigh. Now it's bros 'n hos and another Marc Jacobs on every corner, chain restaurants and boring people wandering back and forth, steroid gay men with lip injections... it's losing it's magic. I'm not saying Ohio is going to be cooler than New York. It won't be. It's not trying to be. Ohio will be quiet and clean and convenient. It will be a good place to relax for a few years while furthering my education. It will be full of trees (and hillbillies) and snow. But, it will be good. I will say I'm really going to miss not driving. Walking everywhere is amazing. Everyone should have to do it. Eating a large meal and walking ten blocks feels great and my ass has never looked better from all these stairs! God, I really don't want to own a car. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get a super sexy one, like a Pontiac Sunfire.
Who knows where I'm off to after Ohio? I'm not too concerned right now. I got that out of my system. I hope. Although I would definitely come back to the east coast. I love the east coast. Maybe to some cute New England town, or France.
I really enjoyed my short time here in New York, all nine months. I could have made a baby, but instead I made a memory. One I will cherish more than any stupid baby. And you may ask, "Jacob, why not California?", and to that I would say, "Well, you, when I lived in California I had terrible scarring bacne and when I left San Diego it left my back.". So, it's time to pack the ol' Uhaul. Goodbye New York! Hello next chapter!
P.S. Please come visit us. We will have nothing to do!
3 comments:
How far we've come in a year. From here to here to here.
I love America!
You know, I bet in 2030, people probably WILL be all like, "wow-that umbrella song really was great. It was a real game changer." And people will probably think about how awesome it was that the subway still existed (it'll probably cave in on itself in ten years when all the pumps and back up pumps from 1922 fail).
But I totally know what you mean about NYC being sanitized and dull. I liked it well enough but it's too self-consciously hip. With the way information spreads these days, it's not like most places have especially unique culture (although, people do have some pretty cool accents out here).
Oh, Jacob. On his quest to find whatever it is that people search for on a quest. There was a saying once written in the bible by Judas Priest, "on the third day he rose again." And Nick Kusner followed that phrase with "on the 3rd city he rose again." I realize now that my words in the scriptures make little to no sense. But at least I tried.
Try to look like the only people not going to a ho-down.
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