Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed...really hard.

I don't want to be a nurse anymore. The other day I was cutting this revolting man's hair, who had a large stain on his shirt, and I thought to myself while choking back vomit, "Could I put a catheter in this man's penis hole? Or wipe crusted poo flakes from his hairy anus?". And much to your surprise, that answer was no.

To some, changing one's mind could be seen as a weakness. To me it's a learning process of self-discovery and awareness. That and I want to do something more funner.
Jon and I have been discussing opening a business of sorts for some time now. Our original thought was a long term goal of owning a bed and breakfast somewhere in Mexico or New England. Later, we considered starting here in Ohio with a fancy booze store. Then the idea branched to a specialty foods store or a breakfast joint. So, you see, the possibilities are endless.. as long as there's funding.. and a business plan. So, that's what I'm going to get a degree in, owning something.

I will be meeting with my well-trained, randomly selected, advisor here at the Columbus State Community College and they will point this gleaming vessel of hope, me, toward yonder thar' future.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

9 comments:

Jonathan said...

Jonathan Baize likes this.

:-)

Patrick said...

I've often wondered how someone who can't stand bare feet would be a nurse. Now I know...

I've thought about the same thing. I really think the gross stuff you described would cease to faze a person after a while. It's like the amazingly scultped young male bodies I see at the OSU gym. Top-drawer porn material, but I see it everyday and no longer care. I imagine fucking someone like that would lose its appeal after a while.

So it goes with the superlatively disgusting.

I'm too jaded and cynical to where I'd continually be disgusted. Being able to name my own hours, and live wherever I want and always have a job still continues to appeal to me.

jacobwissman said...

Part of me still wants to be a nurse. I could totally do it, but it wouldn't be something that would thrill me on an everyday basis. The more I've been thinking lately, I really want to own something, be my own boss, be the boss of Jon.

Being a nurse was going to be something that transitioned me into another part of my life, but I'm realizing I'm getting old, I'm almost 29 and that's almost 40. I need to get the ball rolling on something that I want to do in the long-term. Bossing Jon around is just that. And being a nurse is too sterile. I can't really be drunk all day, so what's the point?

jacobwissman said...

Plus, if I'm a nurse I probably couldn't get that sweet spiderweb face tattoo that I want.

Patrick said...

If nothing else, you can be a slum lordt. Buy a bunch of houses along Parson Ave. and... you know. If I had something approaching a sustainable income, I'd probably get a loan and do that. Yay-making money off of the backs of the working poor. That's how capitalism works, Jacob. That's how the foodchain works, Jerri. My favorite child gets first dibs and YOU WAIT.

Nick Kusner said...

Uh, yes, hi. Do you have a business owner's special?

Nick Kusner said...

We ain't got nothin' like that.

JoetheAsshole said...

I think this is your best decision yet. You definitely need to own a business and be your own boss. You are not the ass wiping type. Good luck friend.

"Go with what you know..."
-Jerri Blank

Emily said...

nick - is that a Romy and Michelle quote?

jacob - i could never do hair; people smell and have gross hair. fact. consider what a humanitarian you are for overcoming general stinkey-ness. if you can overcome that, a cathider can't be all that hard, no? maybe??