BOMA

So, Perry Shoar bought Jon and I tickets to see Hercules and Love Affair at BOMA, or Bar Of Modern Art. Well, it turned out to be a DJ set, which is totally gay. It wasn't Perry's fault. He can't read. So we go to this Bar Of Modern Art. It's in an old church in downtown Columbus, which sounds cool, but it wasn't, at all. If you're thinking Limelight, you're totally wrong. The inside looks like a church, with a dance floor and funeral home carpeting. There were giant fake flower arrangements everywhere, those and douche bags. It was pretty bad. We made a b-line to the bar and ordered our drink, which the bartenders didn't know how to make. While we were standing there this little fourteen year old girl walked up.

"Hey guys."

No one looked at her.

"You guys ready to dance? Party? Get crazy?"

At this point I'm pretty sure Perry grunted at her and said, "It's ten thirty."

She was ready to party, in fact she could barely stand.

"Go away." Perry mumbled.

I noticed a tattoo on her arm that said "Belle". I said, "I assume your name is Belle?".

"No. (one eye open) That's my daughter's name.."

Oh my god, she has a child and she named it after a Disney princess.

"You guys ready to party?? It's mother's day tomorrow! You gonna dance?" (stumble, stumble)

At this point I believe Perry was trying to physically push her away, but she stood her ground and ordered another beer.

"Is that a Yoda tattoo?" the bartender said.

(one eye open) "yeeah." said the fourteen year old mom.

"That's a sweet Yoda tattoo." said the bartender, "Oh my god, I love Star Trek. Are you going to see the new one?"

At this point we made a break for the patio.

The rest of the night just kind of spiralled downward. There was a fire pit, douche bags in head bands, lumpy fat girls with underwear lines in tiny dresses and even a conga line on the dance floor. In a way, the people watching was well worth the ten dollar ticket.