Jon took me to the circus today to see his friend Lauren perform in the trapeze act. I haven't been since 1986. It was actually quite entertaining. I left feeling pretty happy, but now I'm feeling sad. What is that you say? Did my Xanax wear off? I wish. Just watching people do something they love doing, something totally exciting and interesting, always makes me reevaluate myself and my goals. It kind of made me wish I was in the circus. I was trying to envision myself in a lycra bodysuit flipping around in the air or riding a mini motorcycle round and round in a giant metal ball. I would look super retarded in a lycra bodysuit. But how exciting!? The music would definitely get old, same with the corny clown shtick, as it got old after only two hours, but I've always loved performing. I'm just not that great at it. I don't have a true talent. Although I am pretty good at lots of things, I'm not necessarily great at anything. What a downer.
Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing if my parents really pushed me in any certain direction. If we didn't live in the United States with all its gender roles. Would I have found my true passion at a young age? Would I be a tap dancer? Or one of those creepy pageant kids? Or a pole vaulter? I guess we'll never know..
Now I'm going to be a nurse, something I'm not very passionate about. It's more of a secure career move that I thought would be interesting. But that's not a bad thing, right? Being practical? It's no flipping around on a moving horse though. Boring.
The animals at the circus made me sad, too. Not the trick dogs, they were having so much fun, but the others. Do elephants really like standing on their heads? They seemed to be enjoying themselves. It did invoke weird, dark, old Disney movie scenes, like Dumbo's mom dying. But, I guess you do what you gotta do in these though economic times. An elephants gotta eat.
